CONFUSE-SIOUS
A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on.
After all is said and done, more is said than done.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Attitude determines your altitude.
Bad spellers of the world untie!
Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Character is what you are. Reputation is what people think you are.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
Don’t argue with a fool. The spectators can’t tell the difference.
Don’t be humble, you’re not that great.
Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.
Don’t tell me how hard you work. Tell me how much you get done.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty.
Everything is always okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
F u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.
Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.
Happiness isn’t having what you want, it’s wanting what you have.
Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand.
Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
I have a strong will but a weak won’t.
I’m not paranoid, they really are after me.
If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you don’t have anything to write, there’s always ‘cut’ and ‘paste’.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
If you understand what you’re doing, you’re not learning anything.
If you’re not having fun, then you’re not doing it right.
It’s the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Learn from your parents’ mistakes - use birth control.
Learning from your mistakes is smart, learning from the mistakes of others is wise.
Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.
Life’s a bleach and then you dye.
Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it’s hard to get it back in.
One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor.
Quando omni flunkus moritati - when all else fails, play dead.
Rehab is for quitters.
Sex is like air; it’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
The only certain thing in life is death.
The trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along.
There’s too much blood in my alcohol system.
They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.
This sentence contradicts itself — no actually it doesn’t.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Veni, Vedi, Visa. I came. I saw. I did a little shopping.
Veni, Vidi, Velcro - I came, I saw, I stuck around.
Vidi, Veni, Vivid - I saw, I came, Damn! that’s a good porn.
We all can’t be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by.
When in doubt empty the magazine.
When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
When it’s dark enough you can see the stars.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
Which is worse: Ignorance or apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think.
